A Kaizen Week Chronicles #2: Kaizen’s Monday Kickoff

From the Desk of Mr. BlunderTo: Mr. Misguider, Lean Six Sigma Master Black Belt

Subject: Kaizen Kickoff – An Outstanding Display of Tactical Adaptation

Dear Mr. Misguider,

I am thrilled to report that, against all odds, we successfully launched the Kaizen event for warehouse raw material receiving at McFizzle’s Custom Soda!

Of course, I define “successfully” in the loosest possible sense. The event did start. It just took an unholy amount of brute force, sheer determination, and a concerning amount of physical labor to make it happen. I can only assume this is what you meant when you once told me,

“Kaizen is not for the weak-willed.”

Allow me to walk you through the highlights of what I now refer to as The Great Kaizen Kickoff of Fiasco Year One.

Step 1: The Strategic Absence of Warehouse Staff

As you recall, this event was designed to revolutionize raw material receiving processes. The plan: bring together Warehouse, Production, Quality, Accounting, and Mechanics to streamline operations and eliminate waste.

The flaw in this plan: Sarah, the warehouse person assigned to the kaizen event, is on vacation.

And I only found out Monday morning, when I asked, “Where’s Sarah?” and was met with a mix of shrugs, blank stares, and one person helpfully pointing to an empty forklift.

Apparently, this vacation had been scheduled for months. Leadership knew. Other departments knew. Even the janitor, who doesn’t even work in warehouse, knew.

I, the person leading the warehouse Kaizen event, did not know.

At first, I considered canceling, but then I asked myself: What would Mr. Misguider do? And the answer was obvious: Ignore the problem and press forward with absolute confidence.

So we launched the event without the warehouse team. After all, why let the lack of key personnel derail an otherwise flawless plan?

Step 2: The Grand Team Retrieval Effort

At 8:10 AM, I stood alone in our makeshift “Kaizen War Room” (a converted breakroom corner with a suspiciously sticky floor and an air conditioning unit that sounds like it’s actively trying to escape the building).

I had sent meeting invites. I had posted reminders. Yet, not a single team member had arrived.

Much like an overenthusiastic camp counselor, I took it upon myself to track down my missing participants.

• Production was in full “if we ignore him, maybe he’ll leave” mode. When I found them, their response was, “Oh, the Kaizen thing is today?”—as if this event had been a surprise attack.

• Quality was in another meeting debating whether slightly dented cans should be classified as “cosmetic irregularities” or “aesthetic opportunities.” I had to forcibly extract them.

• Accounting insisted they weren’t needed yet. I reassured them that their presence was absolutely critical, while physically herding them into the meeting like a reluctant group of toddlers at nap time.

• The Mechanics attempted to flee but were intercepted near the vending machines. One made a valiant attempt to fake a phone call, but unfortunately for him, I have excellent hearing and could tell he was just saying “Uh-huh” at random intervals.

By 8:45 AM, I had successfully gathered (or coerced) enough participants to begin.

Step 3: The Immediate Breakdown of Teamwork

With everyone present (and deeply resentful about it), I kicked things off with a motivational introduction about the power of continuous improvement and the endless possibilities ahead of us!

What I expected:

• Excitement.

• Engagement.

• A unified sense of purpose.

What actually happened:

• An argument within the first three minutes.

• Two attempted escapes.

• Accounting demanding to see ROI calculations before participating in any discussions.

The first disagreement erupted when I asked, “What’s the biggest issue in warehouse receiving?”

This, in hindsight, was a mistake.

• Production immediately blamed Warehouse for slow material movement.

• Quality blamed Production for “not following procedures.”

• Accounting accused everyone of “constantly making expensive mistakes.”

• Mechanics refused to take sides, but loudly reminded the group that they were “the only ones actually fixing anything.”

Meanwhile, one participant casually attempted to walk out, thinking I wouldn’t notice. (I did.) Another tried to blend into the breakroom shadows, only to be ratted out by an over enthusiastic Quality rep.

By 9:10 AM, I had successfully re-explained why we were here five times.

By 9:20 AM, I had to remind Accounting that they do not, in fact, have veto power over process improvements.

By 9:30 AM, I called for a break just to prevent further casualties.

Step 4: Management’s Commitment to Not Committing

At 9:55 AM, I received the much-anticipated “Leadership Will Be Absent” email, featuring their trademark blend of overconfidence and underperformance.

Dear Mr. Blunder,

Unfortunately, due to unforeseen scheduling conflicts, leadership will not be able to attend the Kaizen launch. However, we look forward to reviewing the final metrics.Best Regards, The Leadership Team

Translation: Good luck. Let us know if anything profitable happens.

I briefly considered forwarding the email back to them with a pie chart showing “Excuses” at 100% and “Commitment” at 0%. Instead, I composed myself and announced, “Leadership has given us their full trust and support.”

There was laughter. I chose to pretend it was supportive laughter.

Step 5: The Kaizen Kickoff (Minus the Warehouse and the Enthusiasm)

At exactly 10:00 AM, I declared the event officially in session, despite:

✔ A missing warehouse team.

✔ A deeply skeptical Accounting department.

✔ A production team that still believed they were being punished.

✔ A mechanics team whose primary contribution was nodding sarcastically.

✔ A leadership team that had fully ghosted us.

We moved on to our first activity: mapping the current warehouse receiving process… without warehouse employees.

Our working assumptions about what warehouse “probably” does are now being recorded as our official process flow. I am certain that when Warehouse returns from vacation, they will be thrilled to discover that their job has been completely redefined in their absence.

Next Steps and Your Guidance

Mr. Misguider, I recognize that some individuals might see this as a “rocky start.” However, I choose to see it as an incredible exercise in overcoming resistance.

I seek your advice on:

1. How to present this to leadership as an undeniable success.

2. How to ensure my team doesn’t mutiny before the week is over.

3. How to justify making up the warehouse process when none of us actually work in warehouse.

Despite the minor hiccups, I remain undaunted and dangerously optimistic.

Awaiting your strategic brilliance,

Mr. BlunderLean Six Sigma Black Belt"Eliminating Waste, One Missing Team Member at a Time"