A Kaizen Week Chronicles #3: Kaizen Week Update

Team energy is high. Progress is low. Snacks are gone.

To: Mr. Misguider, Lean Six Sigma Master Black Belt

Subject: Kaizen Week – A Deep Dive into the Abyss

Dear Mr. Misguider,

It is with a mix of exhaustion, bewilderment, and reluctant admiration for the sheer creativity of workplace dysfunction that I bring you the latest update from Kaizen Week at McFizzle’s Custom Soda.

We have now completed Monday and Tuesday, which featured:

• Value Stream Mapping that became an elaborate blame game.

• SIPOC analysis that revealed no one actually understands the full process.

• A Fishbone Diagram that turned into a labor union meeting.

• An unexpected discovery that our warehouse is supplying McFizzle employees with premium garden décor.

At this point, I suspect the only thing being continuously improved is my ability to suppress panic.

Monday Afternoon: Value Stream Mapping – The Battle of "Out of Scope"

The goal was simple: map out the raw material receiving process. The actual result? A 90-minute psychological endurance test featuring one determined saboteur who could not let go of an out-of-scope step.

One participant—let’s call him Greg—had an idea for an improvement that had nothing to do with receiving materials.

• First, Greg tried to add it to the map.

• I said, “That’s out of scope.”

• He nodded, agreed… and then added it back in five minutes later.

• I removed it again.

• He smiled, nodded, apologized… and then added it back.

After the tenth time, the entire room reached its breaking point.

At precisely 10:43 AM, everyone screamed in unison, “IT’S OUT OF SCOPE, GREG!”

Greg then pretended to be shocked, as if he hadn’t just been strategically testing our patience for an hour.

The good news: we did finish the Value Stream Map.The bad news: we lost part of our souls in the process.

Tuesday Morning: SIPOC – Ignorance Is Bliss

Having barely survived Greg’s Out-of-Scope Infiltration Tactics, we moved on to SIPOC Analysis.

It was during this exercise that I discovered the single most terrifying truth of this entire Kaizen event:

The team still doesn’t realize no one understands the full process.

You see, they should have realized it when:

• No one could accurately describe what happens to a shipment once it arrives.

• Multiple steps were written in question marks (Example: "Warehouse ➝ ??? ➝ Production")

• Someone suggested "Just put FIFO" as a placeholder, because "it sounds Lean."

At one point, Accounting tried to explain the receiving process from memory—only for us to discover that they were actually describing how invoices get paid.

And yet, despite these glaring contradictions, the team remains completely unaware that they are all guessing different versions of reality.

I am now documenting who I think will realize it first. (My money is on Quality, followed by a nervous breakdown.)

Tuesday  Afternoon: The Fishbone Diagram of Pure Madness

At 1:00 PM, we tackled the Fishbone Diagram, where the team was supposed to identify root causes of warehouse failures.

Instead, it became a ridiculous hiring request wishlist.

• "We need more warehouse workers."

• "We need more inspectors."

• "We need someone just to handle missing paperwork."

• "We need a forklift whisperer."

• "We need a guy whose only job is to go around reminding people to ‘do things right.’"

At 2:30 PM, I gently reminded the team that hiring a full-time “Reminder Guy” is not a process improvement.

At 2:32 PM, someone tried to justify it using Lean principles.

At 2:35 PM, I called a break before I started screaming.

An Unexpected Warehouse Discovery: The Underground DIY Network

Just when I thought the worst was over, we uncovered a new mystery.

During a side discussion, someone casually mentioned that “Warehouse is always running out of pallets.”

This sparked an investigation, which led to a shocking discovery:

McFizzle employees have been stealing the warehouse’s expensive pallets... to build backyard garden projects.

Apparently, there is an entire underground operation where employees take high-quality pallets home for DIY landscaping.

Even more impressive (and disturbing):

• There is a PDF guide circulating on how to take apart McFizzle pallets for garden use.

• Several employees have built decks, fences, and even furniture using warehouse materials.

• One employee allegedly built an entire gazebo.

At 4:00 PM, someone produced a printed copy of the guide.

The title: “McFizzle Pallets: Sustainable Landscaping for Your Home.”

I had to stop the session entirely when Accounting declared that we need to “audit employee homes.”

Next Steps & Your Guidance, Oh Wise One

Mr. Misguider, I seek your guidance on:

1. How to tell leadership that we have no standard warehouse process... without making it sound like we failed.

2. How to redirect the team away from demanding more staff and toward actual process improvements.

3. How to handle the “Pallet Heist” situation before Accounting starts demanding forensic investigations into backyard patios.

Leadership still doesn’t know about any of this. If they ask, I plan to distract them with impressive-sounding Lean terms.

As always, I remain optimistic in the face of undeniable disaster.

Yours in continuous confusion,

Mr. Blunder

Lean Six Sigma Black Belt"Eliminating Waste, One Stolen Pallet at a Time."